Letters
by silentfyre
Summary: Marcus is having trouble coping with his losses after the war and confides in a good friend.


**Cole give Marcus some advice to help him cope with his losses after the war. An idea I've had in my head for ages. Be warned, writing this did bring a tear to my eye. **

* * *

Since the day after the war had ended, Marcus had pretty much been running on auto pilot. He'd been up at the crack of dawn everyday for the last two weeks. There was so much to be done, from trying to rebuild civilisation, to finding an alternative fuel supply. He'd been so focused on fighting for so many years, he didn't know how to cope with the possibility of peace on the horizon.

No one did really. Now there was no enemy to fight, the threat of things like famine and disease, put everyone on edge. Not to mention the lack of fuel and energy supplies. There were also plenty of civilians wanting refuge on the island and it was getting fuller each day. He knew the day would soon come that they'd have to start turning people away. They'd already been having problems with a particular stranded gang, even though everyone was in the same boat now, everyone was 'stranded' in some way or another.

Marcus was pretty much in charge after Hoffman, who'd temporally come to Azura to help run things for a while. He didn't want to leave Anvil Gate, but Bernie pretty much convinced him that she was more than capable of running things for a bit, and how he was more needed on Azura. Marcus found telling Hoffman what had happened to Dom, was just as hard as telling Baird and Cole about his Dom's fate. Hoffman didn't tell Bernie straight away, but it was hard not to. They kept in radio contact most of the time, and she'd often ask how Dom was doing, so he had to tell her the truth in the end.

The usual routine for Marcus and the rest of Delta, would be to get up and ready by 6am and report to Hoffman. Today was different though. Marcus woke up at 5am as usual. But for some reason, he found it hard to face another day. Thoughts of his lost brother and father were plaguing his mind this morning. So far, he hadn't let himself dwell on it too much. Mainly because there was so much to do and focus on. But when everyday becomes the same, the mind starts to wonder, and it certainly was this morning. He really hadn't had any closure, like a burial or funeral for his lost loved ones. His father ashes had been gathered up but he hadn't done anything with them yet. There was no point trying to recover Dom s body because there would be pretty much nothing left after such a huge explosion, and Marcus certainly couldn't face going back to Mercy. Not yet anyway.

He finally made the effort to get out of bed. He looked out of the window of the room him and Anya were sharing. The hotel on Azura made for some pretty good living accommodation, once it was cleaned up a bit. It was still nothing permanent but it was the best living conditions he'd had for years, certainly since the city of Jacinto was destroyed. The view from the window over looked the ocean. It all seemed so eerily calm, something it was definitely not used to. The sun was just about visible and he knew that it wouldn't be long before it was officially morning and he'd have to get through another monotonous day. He looked back over to the bed, where Anya was still fast asleep. If anything at all had kept him going for the past couple of weeks, it was her. Even if she didn't know it. The way he was feeling at the moment, she was the only thing that made him still feel human. He got him self dressed and armoured up. They still wore there armour, mainly out of habit but also to make sure they weren't an easy target for any one with a sniper rifle and a grudge against the COG. He left the room, but instead of seeing Hoffman, he needed some time alone. He made his way down to the beach. He knew it would be quiet, as the sun was still rising. Walking along the shore, he looked out to the sunrise. Finding a large rock to sit on, he sat down. He took of the bandanna that he'd put on this morning out of habit. He felt like he did last time he was here, when the memories of his fathers and Dom's death were still fresh in his mind. Now, everything just seemed like a blur, and he didn't know how do deal with it, other than keeping it all inside. Probably not the healthiest thing to do.

Cole couldn't help but notice the beautiful sunrise. His optimistic side saw it as a sign that hope was on the horizon. He stopped and stared at it for a while, he had stopped paying attention to Baird yapping away, who was now walking ahead not noticing Cole had stopped.

"Did you hear what I said. Cole. Hellooooo?" Baird called back to his friend wondering what was so interesting about the sunrise.

"Beautiful isn't it" Cole said

"I guess. You know a sunrise only looks like that because the atmosphere is made up of. . . ." Baird began.

"Damon" Cole said, cutting him off. "Do you ever just look at something for what it is, not why it is. Not everything has a scientific explanation"

"Um. . Actually it kinda does" He argued. "Any way, hurry up. We don't wanna be late this morning"

Cole noticed someone sitting down on the beach. He couldn't quite make them out, but was curious to see who it was. He didn't usually see many people out there this early.

"I'll catch up with you in a bit Baird. I'm gonna go see who that is down there. Make sure there ok"

"Always the good samaritan aren't you. Ok. But don't be too long. I don't wanna have to explain to Hoffman why you're late"

"Yeah, I won't be long"

Cole made his way down to the beach, and soon recognised that it was Marcus. He thought that was unusual as he was usually up and working on something by now.

"Hey, Marcus" Cole shouted almost regretting calling out to him as he may have wanted to be alone.

Marcus saw him. He didn't mind talking to Cole. He always managed to make the worst situations seem ok and helped keep up everyone's morale.

"Not like you to be here all on your own. Everything ok?"

Marcus hated burdening people with his own problems. But Cole was certainly a good person to confide in.

"I don't know any more Gus" He finally said "I've been running on autopilot since we got here. This morning, I'm finding it hard to ..." Marcus didn't really know how to explain, and he didn't often have a heart to heart, with anyone really.

"face the day?" Cole finished his sentence for him.

Marcus looked at him and simply nodded.

"It's hard for all of us Marcus. But I guess, it's a little harder for you. I know you probably don't want to talk about it but, it might help"

Marcus knew what Cole was talking about. These conversations made him extremely

uncomfortable and Cole could tell that Marcus had tensed up a bit. Even more so than usual.

"I guess I'm finding it hard to accept that they're really gone. I still half expect to hear Dom's voice over my radio or see him by my side"

Cole was surprised but glad that Marcus was opening up to him.

"You guys were always together huh"

"Yeah. Ever since we were kids. I met Carlos, Dom's older brother at school. He had my back since I was only 10 years old. Defended me in a fight on my first day at that school"

Cole knew it was a tough subject for him, he knew that Dom's brother was killed during the Pendulum wars.

"Sound like you guys were pretty tight" Cole said

"Yeah, we were all pretty close. I remember when me and Carlos went to Dom's wedding" He stopped and smiled ever so slightly as if a good memory had resurfaced. "Damn, poor kid was only 16 when he got married and he had a kid on the way"

Cole suddenly felt a pang of sadness, thinking about everything Dom had lost.

Marcus continued, Cole just listened. "I promised him that I'd look after Dom, just before he . . . and now Dom's gone . . ."

"It's ok, if you're not ready to talk about that yet Marcus. I know how hard it is" Cole could tell Marcus was finding it difficult to talk about such a delicate subject. Cole continued to speak. "When my folks were killed, I felt so numb. I couldn't really believe it was happening, I couldn't believe anything was happening. So I quit my thrash ball career, and enlisted. I guess it was my way of coping"

Marcus nodded as if he understood "I understand. At least when we were fighting the locust, I had something to take out any anger and frustration on. But now?"

Cole nodded in agreement. "When I'm frustrated, I just like to wind Baird up bit. That's always fun to do" He said with a chuckle.

Marcus managed a small smile at that remark.

"You know what else I do to cope?"

"I know that you write letters to your parents" Marcus replied not wanting to refer to them as dead.

"That's right. If I can keep them alive up here" He said pointing to his head, "then they'll always be alive, in here" he said pointing to his heart.

Marcus looked as if he was contemplating that for a moment.

"That really helps?" He asked.

"Yeah. It really does. You should give it a try Marcus, and I don't mean write to them as if they're still alive. It just might give you the closure that you need, and give you a chance to say goodbye"

Marcus simply nodded. Cole didn't hesitate reaching into his chest plate pulling out a few sheets of paper and a pen that he always kept on him.

"Here. Trust me, it will help"

Marcus didn't really know what to say. He simply said "Thanks Gus. For everything"

Cole reverted back to his usual cheerful self

"No problem baby, y'know the Cole trains always here for you"

Cole decided to leave him in peace now, but he hoped that he helped Marcus, just by giving him someone to talk to. He sat there for a while before he got out the paper, but when he started writing, it soon started to flow.

"_Dom. So much has happened since you've been gone. . . . ."_

He went on to tell him all that had happened, how they'd gone to Char and met that ass hole, Griffin. Then taken the subs to get to Azura where he was reunited with his father only to see him die, and how he'd killed the locust queen with Dom's commando knife. He told him everything he'd missed out on. Then he went on to say

"_. . .I can't even begin to tell you how much I miss you. You saved my life and everyone else's. You're a really are a hero, just like Carlos was. I hope you're both together now. You were both brothers to me, not friends, brothers. I never said this but I love you both and I'm sorry I never said it to you. Anyway, everyone else is ok. We thought we'd lost Carmine, but he's a tough one. Baird's still just as annoying but I can tell that he misses you, hell, everyone does. Speaking of Baird, I'm pretty sure he's been sneaking around with Sam. You were right, there was something between those two. Cole's still as large as life, and gave me some really good advice this morning. Anya's really been there for me, and I haven't exactly been the easiest person to talk to lately. But I finally told her that I loved her. I should have told her that years ago. You were right about that as well. I'm so lucky to have her, I really need to start showing her how much I appreciate her. Hoffman and Bernie are ok, Bernie is still at Anvil gate and Hoffman is helping out here. They both say it's not gonna be the same without you._

_Well, I can't think of much else to say right now, but I may write again to let you know how things are going. So goodbye for now I guess. _

_Marcus"_

Marcus read through the letter about 6 times before he got up and decided it was about time to get to work. Cole was right though, he did feel a world better. Marcus got up, and put his bandanna back on. Writing the letter had been a very emotional thing for him. Before he made his way to meet the others, he wiped the tears from his face that he'd only just realised were there. He read the letter through once more and decided to keep a hold of it, so he slipped it behind his breast plate before making his way back up to meet Hoffman and the others. He knew he'd be late now but hoped that Hoffman would understand. When he got there, Hoffman was talking to Cole. Hoffman saw Marcus and just gave him a polite nod. Marcus made a mental note to thank Cole later for that, and for the advice as well. Anya saw him and walked over.

"You ok Marcus" She said in a concerned tone of voice. "I was worried about you when I didn't see you this morning"

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I just needed to think that's all"

"But you're ok?" She asked again

"Yeah. I actually am ok" He said with a small smile.

Anya rarely saw him smile, and it always made her happy when he did. Marcus felt that he could face the day now. It was still going to take time for the pain of loss to go away, but at least now, he could now see the light at the end of the tunnel. He knew he would have to write a similar letter to his father. "_I'm gonna need a lot, of paper for that one" _he thought to himself.


End file.
